kecharasmoon (kecharasmoon) wrote,

The bad

Tonight doesn't have any real reason to be bad. I worked hard, got a lot done, hung out with Jon, made plans to see Nick on the weekend, even had a running joke about breakfast for dinner with M and M, who made fun of me because I don't put syrup on anything but breakfast sausage (we had French toast).

And yet here it is midnight and I'm crying. I've felt the doldrums creep up on me the last four hours or so and now they're here. I can't help but wonder if they're a knee jerk reaction to spending an hour on the phone with my best friend last night, despite him being so far away in Vancouver. It was the first time we'd just talked for so very long. I've missed him very much, do miss him every day.

After... after some things change with LJ Idol, I'll talk more. If there's even anyone out there still reading after the change who wants to understand. I can't for now.

I'm not asking for pity. I'm not expecting comments (from all like, ten of you on my friends list, if that). I just need to write it down. Because there's no genuine reason to be feeling like this and I might as well track it if nothing else.

I have no plan. I have no actual thoughts of self harm. I have no anger or intent to harm others. I am just simply sad and lonely and wishing he was here. Or if nothing else, that I wasn't going to be spending this weekend without the ones I love most.

I should go to bed. I doubt I will this second though. In the mean time, I offer a game link that a friend linked me to that has kept my brain busy throughout this evening.
Tags: m and m, this is me
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